"The Normal Heart" Stirs up Images of the Past

.....I recently watched "The Normal Heart," the HBO movie recounting the early days of the AIDS epidemic in New York City.  As I don't have cable and HBO isn't available here anyways, I had to order the DVD.

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.....I've seen an array of films on AIDS in the past.  Once again, I found myself feeling a gamut of emotions.  I've written previously of music's ability to transport me, like a time machine, to a specific time and place.   When I heard Bryan Ferry and Roxy Music, I was there; the long, extended golden sunsets of summer and nights at the alternative dance club.  But I remember something else---the phone call from my friend Brenda, in which she recounted the news article  her mother had handed her.  It was about a gay cancer.  I dismissed  it as some scare tactic because, after all, cancer can't discriminate.  Even though most of my friends were LGBT before that term was even coined, nobody gave the story any thought.

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.....It soon became apparent that the party was over.   Years later, I met David, who was a long time survivor of the disease.  Unfortunately, the cocktail had yet to be discovered.  When I watched "The Normal Heart," I was reminded of him, as he, like a character in the film, had been in the military.  This was obviously at a time when not only did a person not ask and not tell, but their ass would justifiably (according to the government)  be out the door.  No recourse, no appeal.  His trade had been construction.

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.....There are snippets of things that flash back to me more then others.  When he reached a certain point, he had to give up his apartment and was granted housing in an AIDS apartment/ complex.   He still maintained a very positive outlook.  This was a man who had great talent in decorating and we had talks about how he was going to fix it up.  He wanted to convert the ordinary windows to a stained glass motif.  We were going to hit  the largest fabric store to purchase items to transform the place.  He never again had the strength to walk that distance.

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.....This complex had a roof top deck that allowed residents to sit outside.  It wasn't the patios of  his favoured restaurants and bars, but it was something.  The sunshine was warm up there.  One of the other residents was on the patio---sitting by himself.  I could tell he was listening to us as we joked and we managed to get him to join in.   I ran into him a few times as I walked around the city after my friend died.  This  very good looking guy who was only in his twenties was always alone.  Such was the nature of the disease for some people.

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.....I remember the time, when he was still living in his own place, that David felt well enough to go out on the town.  He took one glance at me and decided that I needed more make up and a different look.  Despite my protests, he proceeded to give me a make-over.  He had everything in the apartment for the job.  He perked up, like a man jolted with a Red Bull infusion, when he received a wolf whistle as we walked down the street.  As they say, God is in the details.  Likewise, happiness truly is found in the little things.

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.....The hospital he ended up in was a good one, and the ward with AIDS patients had great staff, but when we were in the cafeteria, I recall still the looks we got one day.  One of the problems with the disease is a reduction in appetite, and when David suddenly expressed a desire for a banana split, Scott and myself went with him to see what we could do.  They had ice-cream, bananas and some nuts.  David and I set about slicing and dicing and making this thing work.  He took a bite and it wasn't quite right.  He handed me a sample and I tried it.   I looked up and saw a nurse---a NURSE---looking at me aghast.  Back then, the people with AIDS had a very definite look.  It wasn't just a weight loss in the same manor that people with cancer might get.  There was a certain look in their eyes and a muscle wasting in the face.  The nurse obviously saw that he was such a patient and was shocked that I'd taste anything from his plate.  I couldn't believe her ignorance; it wasn't going to jump from one end of his plate to the other.  I was angry and glad that David had not witnessed  this exchange, but it made me realize the extent of what people had to deal with.

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.....It was because of this sort of thing  that people in the area took action.  At Christmas, the festive  displays included pink lit  triangles on the balconies.  The red ribbons represented more then pretty wrap when they were hung.

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.....I think of David often, and how his mother is doing.   I had met her at the hospital and at the Celebration of his Life.  I felt her discomfort as she tried to come to terms with it all.  She loved her son more then anything, yet she came from a small town and was a devout Catholic.  It grieved me that his children were not there, as he had several.  He never spoke ill of his ex-wife, but after he had come out, she had kept the children away from him.  What years they had missed with this talented, giving and loving man who cared for them immensely.  He had their picture on display.

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.....I think of David when I read that HIV is again on the increase amongst some age demographics.  How needless, when not only do we have condoms but there is Truvada.  Should a condom break, or a person not use one due to drunkenness, people can ask for the post exposure prophylactic.  Yes, the cocktail exists today, but the drugs don't work on everybody and there are side effects.  As to the medication, the earlier one takes it, the better the outcome.  People should get tested if they think they've engaged in high risk activity.  Trust me, it isn't a big deal.  I had an accidental work exposure and had to get tested a while back.  I live in a small town and there's still more stigma on women.  Nobody at the blood clinic gave me a second glance.  We lost so many valuable voices that never got the chance to make their statements.  We don't need to have it happen again.