WHEN FRIENDS SUCCEED

I have spent a lot of time this summer proof-reading something for a friend of mine. He had written a manuscript which was about 500 pages in length and I was happy to see that he would allow me to have a look at it.

I went through it a number of times, with my assortment of coloured pens and post-it notes. He must have spent a fortune at Kinko's, having the various drafts put together.

He has had interest expressed in his novel and I am so proud of him. Perhaps one day I will be able to do a book review in this blog.

I was reminded of something that I had read once. I cannot recall the quote exactly, but it had to do with the success of friends. I guess that people have a difficult time when their friends succeed. Men, in particular, can be made to feel less adequate if there is a power imbalance.

I don't understand that lack of logic. If my friends do well or get praise, I cannot but help feel good for them. You need to understand that I speak of "friends" here---not people you know that might be on your social networking site. When that bond truly exists, a person won't leave us in the dust for better opportunities. They'll still be there to have our backs. They may do so sporting better clothing and driving a nicer car, but nothing can replace that strong connection of shared time and events. True, it can be odd if one person suddenly becomes "The Boss". Then you need to be really clear about boundaries. But surely the two people had more in common then just the job to talk about.

I might envy the fact that a person has a talent whereas I don't. I know that I beat myself up for not sticking to my diet when I have a gorgeous friend who's a size zero. But I could never wish her anything but the best.

In marriage, the ceremony implies being there for each other "in sickness and in health". I think that applies to true friendship as well. It means that we must support people when they do well. Their success is a reflection of their ability, not our lack of it. When they win, it takes nothing away from the rest of us.

I am so proud of my buddy. When people bring up his manuscript, I feel like the proverbial grandmother taking out the photo album of the grandkids.

I wrote about loss in a previous post. I really have discovered how valuable some people are to me. I know that my world will diminish greatly without them. There is enough in our economy and world to make us give up and feel bad. We really do need to reach out and give others the impetus to take a risk and strive for something. Talent needs to be fostered, as does any of those little things we need to get through our day.

It's terrible, but things get awkward when time lapses and we don't speak to each other. What caused it? We may want to get in touch, but cannot overcome that feeling. However, that odd feeling is nothing compared to the raw emotion a person will suffer should something bad happen to that person. To find that they just aren't there anymore. So call...reach out...make the move.