2011---WHEN BULLYING CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET

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(By the way-the photo is not from elementary school. Sandra is not in here. This is the Track Team Photo and none of these people were ever an issue. )

I was bullied when I was in elementary school. I wrote about it and the profound impact it had on me. I also reported how odd it felt to have the person who organized all that torment to contact me, years later, to apologize. I didn't think it would affect me at the time the way it did. I thanked her for phoning and I accepted her apology. We chatted for a while about what we'd done with our lives. I didn't ask what had inspired the call---watching Oprah or working the steps in some Twelve Step program. I was overcome at the time by a very odd feeling. This girl had made my life miserable, as she had for others. There was some heavy girl whom she tortured for her weight. There was Linda A, who had the misfortune of looking and dressing like a 35 year old even though she was eleven. I had a wonderful teacher who stopped our class one day, mid-stride, when Sandra J tried her nonsense with our first African American student. The teacher shamed her, for this was before the P.C. nonsense of not being allowed to make kids feel bad in front of their peers.
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Oh, I still remember Sandra J to this day, even though I've forgotten the names of so many others. Thanks to her, large gatherings of women make me nervous. I forget the comedian who said that nothing could inspire fear in him like a group a teenaged girls, for he had been bullied as a boy. He had used comedy to make others laugh, but it was still with him, even though he was now rich and famous.
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I loathe speaking in front of people. I would have received much better grades had I raised my hands. I have Sandra J to thank for that. Never mind all of that feminist stuff about women not speaking out because of men...it's often the fear of the "mean girls" that silence us. When I was placed on the Topamax it brought all of this back and I retreated back into my wall.
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You see, I was teased not for being fat. If you look at the photo, I'm the blond in the front row at the right. I was teased because I had a Swedish accent. We'd moved to North America shortly before I had to start grade one, and I only had a few months to learn the English language. There were also some cultural differences. That was my big sin.
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This year, I've read story upon story of kids killing themselves because they were bullied. It's usually because they've been called "gay" or "fag." The one story that really broke my heart was a girl who was only ten or eleven and she'd cut her hair; the shorter style did it. It brought on the hate and she hung herself. Some of these kids have documented their pain in videos and posted them. Too late, of course, for the deed is done. They're gone. They don't know that there's an entire community of people out there who know what it feels like and care. They don't know that most of those bullies will never leave their little towns and their little lives and experience the world. Just give it time. Find some way to hang on. At least now they have the internet available to them.
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I realize now that we only tolerate the Sandra J's of the world and the ridiculous jocks who bullied my friend Darren because of how good they look. There is no way that we would put up with their nonsense if they didn't pass for "hot". They trade on that as their currency because they have little else to offer the world. Later in life, when I ran into the people who had been bullies, they were still the kind apt to use the "royal we," but the lumpen proletariat had changed. Some had lost weight or buffed up. They had done things with their lives and become the much more interesting people. In truth, they always had been the more worthy package (Trekkies, smart kids, whatever). People just didn't see it because the parcel wasn't as shiny. It really does get better. I am so glad that this is finally being talked about, albeit much too late.
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