THE XMAS PAY-OFF

.....I tipped the woman who delivers the post rather nicely, as it's a small town and the mail goes to a box with a big puddle in front of it. She has to drive, no matter what the conditions.
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I also tipped the garbage man---a lot. You see, and I've mentioned this before, I'm breaking the law and he has to know it. This town passed a bylaw which prohibits people from owning more than two pets. They didn't think of how stupid said law was, given the size of most aquariums. Yes....there could potentially be a guppy Gestapo. All kidding aside, people have phoned in and reported their neighbours for having too many animals. When I say animals, I mean "cats." For, this is a redneck town and while dogs that bark all hours seem to be no problem, people gripe about cats. Cats have been known to disappear. I used to hear the guy behind me shooting off a pellet gun and then the squirrels were all gone. And the strays.
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My cats are indoor cats but I have more than two. The reason I have more than two is because they are rescues. People here don't want to spay or neuter them, so Toms will do what is in their nature. The last cat that I rescued had just had a litter of five females. I managed to catch her (with the help of a male coworker who's a fan of cats, as is his wife) and we paid to have her fixed. I had thought that this was a feral cat, but after her healing was done, she decided that she wanted to take up permanent residence in my house. She had obviously been a domestic cat at one time and is the most gentle of creatures.
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I learned from somebody at the vet's office that people have not only reported their neighbours, but have done so even if the animals remain inside and are well treated. I could somewhat understand the motivation if a person were angry about their garden being torn up. This smacks me as a way of dealing with old vendettas. The by-law staff have shown up and investigated. I live in the province known for "B.C. Bud." Two days ago, they showed up to replace the meter, which they are doing across the entire province. The theft of hydro is rampant; it's used for illegal marijuana grow operations. They don't have the staff to deal with it. Yet....cats?
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So, each and every year I slip my garbage man a little something extra. It's like something out of The Sopranos. I am buying his silence. He's got to know that my garbage contains almost no food waste. It's all bags of clay clumps. Hmmm......
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Three of my cats are black so I hope the neighbours think they're all one cat. In the meantime, when people ask me how many cats I have, I smile and say....whatever the law says I can have.
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A photo of Ollie with a photo-shopped hat on his head. He'd climbed on top of a ladder I had left sitting around to change a light bulb and eaten every single leaf on a vine. His grin says it all...what can you do to me now?