WHAT I ENVY

 (Note---I had a photo in here that got flagged as a copyright issue.  It was my own photo, which I took.  I am putting it back).

What I envy most in others is talent for I lack it. While I have an avid interest in a lot of things, I am cursed with a total lack of ability to do things. It's a lost cause.

When I was a kid, Sally moved into the house across the lane from me. She had this great Liverpool accent as they had literally just gotten off the boat. Her parents were "show people", although her Dad had to hold a real job. This was nothing to which I had ever been exposed. Suddenly, however, I was introduced to the world backstage when they were involved in rehersals. Sally and I loved to hang out. The lights, the thick curtains, the orchestra pit; all were a new revelation to me. Musicals became my new love. I learned them all---Music Man, Carousel, Oliver and My Fair Lady. Sally and I were seven years old yet were minced around the yard singing all of the lyrics to "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying". We somehow didn't get what it all meant, but we knew every line. We put on a production of Oliver in the backyard, complete with soot from the fireplace and tickets sold around the neighborhood. I was in love with Jack Wild and his top hat.

A sheet went around school where we could sign up for singing lessons, so I put my name down for it. My parents then had the sad mission of telling me that a person had to have some talent to bother. Well, that was it for me. I still like musicals, but you won't even get me singing the national anthem. I fake it.

I wanted to take dance lessons as well and gymnastics. I actually was very flexible, but they would have been out of our element financially and my family just wasn't aware of that sort of thing culturally when I was growing up. I tried to teach myself gymnastics and could do all sorts of flips and back bends and such, but it was obviously more for enjoyment than anything else.

My Dad tried to encourage running, as he'd raced and done very well. I was good at that and could outrun the guys, but I had no interest. Also, I do not like to compete. My love of something is because it enhances who I am artistically. But, my little kid self couldn't get that across to my Dad.

I loved music, but without lessons, there's not much a person can do. I had a little toy piano which my mother gave to my cousin. Her parents gave her lessons and she went on to study it at a university level and to teach it, amongst other things. So, while I still love a really fine piece of music, I shall never play it.

Art is the bane of my existence. I spend far too much money on art books and I go to galleries when I can. I also like photography. Again...zip...zero...no talent. My brother is very good at painting yet he doesn't keep it up.

Once upon a time I dieted myself into oblivion. My one true talent and I had to give it up. My friend tells me that I have an incredible knack for blowing up light bulbs when I'm angry and frying electonics. In fact, the science teacher in highschool wouldn't let me turn on the lights after a point. Does that count?