Not Waving But Drowning: Health Canada Sucks

Of all the things that could haunt me, it is my friend's cat that comes to me. Were I actually able to sleep, she would be the stuff of Poe. But night eludes me and I therefore can't call her my bete noire. Like so many other things in my life, "Baby Girl," as "B" called her, is part of the damp coat I now wear that just won't dry out.

I wasn't always this way. I used to be a functioning person. They tested me in my last year of elementary school and I had the highest I.Q. I also earned The Award of Excellence for my athletic skills, something not easily earned. In my first year of high school my reading skills scored in the university level Mind you, it doesn't help at the moment that as I type this, entire lines keep disappearing for some reason, but I digress. And while I'm on the topic, complete paragraphs just eraced themselves. (I just had to reload some photos).

It wasn't all that long ago that people wanted to spend time with me. I had migraines, but I worked around them. So, what happened? Health Canada happened. I've noticed that any organization that has the following words----Health/ Personnel/ Insurance---doesn't care about people at all. In fact, they serve the company and not the employee.

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Thanks to Health Canada, I feel as though nobody wants to talk to me...rather, they want to talk about me. I've had people that I don't even know come up and start talking about my illness, as though it's their business. Because I am being asked to explain myself so often, people get the idea that there is something untoward going on. Would they ask somebody in a wheelchair to get a note all the time? I doubt it. This was a work=place injury, all the same. I often wish that I had a visible injury because then people would get off my back. Maybe then the pain would be a one time thing and then go away. This is constant and ongoing, but it is there, all the same, and people don't understand. Health Canada is the worst, probably because it's become their job to look after it.
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My doctor suggested that I was isolating myself. I said that wasn't the case at all. I pointed out that people wanted nothing to do with me. Furthermore, I've lost confidence in myself. When I feel like everybody is looking at me, judging me and watching me, I second guess myself and then I screw up. It's become a social phobia. I used to organize staff parties and events until I walked through the looking glass (or was pushed through it). Even a close friend stopped talking to me two months. It was so awkward when I ran into him and his mother because he was forced to speak to me. I still don't know to this day what was said about me and my friend and it would be easier if I did, because my mind has run rampant all these years. What I do know, it was like Samantha from Bewitched had twitched her nose and cast a spell. I certainly wasn't allowed at the cool kids' table anymore.

(Taken a few years ago on vacation with a friend)

Sadly, my friend "B" is dead now. I wrote a"short story" about it a while in "Best Served Cold."

I have to go see a "specialist" next week to figure out some sleeping medication. We had horrible shifts when I began working and we could not book off work or else we would be fired as we had a two year probationary period. As a result, we built up a lot of sick leave. I ended up getting migraines thanks to that evil shift rotation. It was a week of seven days, then a week of evenings, then a week of midnights. When you hit the week of subs, you often worked days, then would have to double back in that same day for midnights. Yes, I mean drive back in that very night. Later, that same week, they would switch you back to days again. When I say a week, I mean seven days. Over the years, I worked almost every single Christmas.

(University. Taken by a Photographer)

Then Health Canada came along. As I said, I developed migraines due to the shifts, but I sucked it up and I lived with it. However, somebody decided that it should be somebody's job to "manage" my migraines. The employees used to trade off amongst ourselves, as some of us used to like days and some of us liked the nights. Makes sense, right? Not to Health Canada. I came to work one night and I was handed a Return to Work Journal that some unknown person in Personnel or Health Canada wanted me to complete every night and then discuss with somebody in the morning before I left at the behest of another unknown person in an unstated department. I was told it was a new mandatory policy. I asked around and NOT ONE other party had been given the same journal. I'm not stupid, so I contacted the head person in charge of the policy. They didn't know a thing about it. I refused to comply, but it's like that old joke about "How often did you used to beat your wife?" You can't win. Thanks Health Canada. If I don't fill it out, I'm not complying. If I do fill it out and sit around in an office with a closed door, it looks to all the other staff that I'm "special" and have an issue. It would have marginalized me even more.

(Photo taken by my cousin)
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Health Canada, in the past, has wanted to make Energy drinks available only by a prescription. Thankfully, that was defeated. I am not talking about the wonderful nurses and doctors who work at the job sites. No---these are the nurses who do the assessments on people. A number of years ago, one of them came to an off site meeting we had. She told us to get into a "happy circle" and to "clap, clap, clap our hands" on a hygiene lesson. Like we didn't know how to wash our hands. Mind you, since they've since reduced the budget and it's often difficult to find paper towels, who knows? These are the public health nurses who give shots to school children.

Here is the assessment guidelines that they use on us. They are paid fifty dollars, whether or not we show up. It is done in the main hallway, which is very loud. .

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(Available online via Health Canada)

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This entire thing is a cross between something out of Monty Python and Kafka. In fact, I've told my Doctor that I often feel like Sissyphus and I'm just rolling my rock up the hill, over and over again.
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How can physical characteristics be listed under mental health assessment? What is this anyways, the dark ages? This should be a red flag that this was written by somebody with no knowledge of the DSM at all. How does the way a person looks have any bearing at all on their mental well being? I know that nobody reads this, but I wish that somebody would take this up as a cause. I loathe Health Canada. At least for the sake of the tax payers, the fact that they charge fifty dollars whether or not a person shows is horrid. Surely when a person is in a busy hallway at a work site, it is not a proper place to do an assessment, especially when they don't want it done and they resent it.

What they really do is stick a scope on people. Fifty bucks!!!! And most of us visit our doctors and we would report if something was wrong. When it becomes the job of people to organize others, common sense often goes out the window. They also want to make sure that they hold on to their position and therefore want to make sure we keep coming back. So, even though it doesn't serve the client, they'll make certain that the paperwork has to filled over and over and over. The real kicker? They are big on privacy for our clients, most rightfully so, yet our information will be on file for research purposes for several decades. And the doctor wonders why I refuse to come in for my regular checkups. Anything we report can and will be used against us. Older employees are held to a higher standard as the tests are even more invasive.
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Separate is not equal. At some point, somebody needs to realize that the ticky boxes have to stop being filled "just because." It is hurting people. There used to be one form that we filled and it worked just fine. That form is still being filled out, yet we have this on top of it all. People are not seeking help for depression. Others are not taking blood thinners because they will be removed from their posts. Still others fear that practicing their religious beliefs, as in wearing a turban, will mean that they can't work. It's wrong on so many levels.

Anyways, it's thanks to these people everything changed The constant and endless referals and trips to the doctors and pharmacies. Referrals by some nameless person I don't even know. It's the week end and whereas I once had a life, here I am. I'm too embarrassed to use Facebook, so I turned it off. I doubt anybody noticed because I'm a loser. It's finally the summer and I'm sitting inside because I can't go out in the world. I'm too repugnant. A couple of people have sent me LinkedIn requests. My response was---what would I put there? Professional Fuck Up? My house is a dump, whereas it used to be immaculate. I am forever letting my mother down. I can't get anything done. They've actually made me more ill--I only had migraines. Their requests have caused me to get acid reflux, a sleep disorder, and TMJ all from stress. The last time Health Canada sent me a letter stating they wanted information, I got shingles!!! Not that anybody reads this, but I'm finally going to vent about their asses.
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Why does my friend's cat haunt me? After "B" died, his wife couldn't look after the cat and left town to live with her sister. I should have taken the cat in, as my friend loved that little girl. It haunts me still. The photo is on my shelf and is one more thing I carry with me. I mourn his loss, the cat and I am angry for the loss of people who didn't make it because they never got the help they needed.. WCB and H.C. and other alphabet agencies need to fix their policies.