MORE THAN WORDS

`````A couple of months ago, I was singled out for thanks by somebody in management. They had put together a memorial wall to honour staff members who had passed away, and one of them thanked me for my recall. I thought that it was a nice gesture; both the concept of the wall and the offering me recognition for helping with it What saddened me was how many had died in a short period of time.

`````Sometimes, we do not realize until too late the value of certain lessons. One of my coworkers came across as very brusque---very "old school" as one would say. It took me a while to realize that the fact he was imparting his wisdom upon me meant alot. It indicated that he believed I had potential. If he hadn't thought so, he wouldn't have botherered telling me anything at all. I learned so much from him over the years. In fact, I refer to the skills he taught me as the basic "golden rules" and I find myself imparting them to new staff.

`````Looking back, I realize that it must have been difficult for some of these men to accept the changes that were being forced upon them. They weren't used to having women enter a traditionally male field, especially very young ones with a college education. I have to acknowledge that my university, at the time, had departments that were even more radical then Berkley had been back in its hey-day. The Women's Studies Department would issue manifestos that it was now the "Womyn's Centre" and that "all men were potential rapists." I had somebody in a couple of my political science tutorials who went off and became so embroiled in the political struggle in South America that she was charged with the kidnapping of a supermarket owner. So, of course, we left with a certain chip on our shoulder. Is there anything more ignorant than a newly minted student, bent on showing others what "they" are doing wrong and intent on changing the world?

`````Many of the men with whom I'd worked were very intelligent, yet hadn't had the option of going to school. One such man became a close friend, despite several decades in age span. He confessed to me that he'd always been interested in psychology and had always wished that he could take courses in it. He loved talking about the topic with the new hires. He also had a great interest in classical music. None of these interests were shared by his wife, who laughed at it. He learned to keep quiet about it, except with us. Sometimes, we'd get together for coffee. When he went on vacations, he'd bring back little mugs or trinkets with the names of the places he'd visited as gifts for me. We kept in touch after he retired, and I was saddened greatly when an accident killed him. In truth, the line of a poem came to me: What happens to a dream deferred?

`````It was a great lesson for me; that a person may know alot about a topic even though they've never studied it. Imagine that.

`````There were people who told me of the "men who'd gone before." These were the guys who I had never met, but had worked in the job earlier. I wish that I had written the stories down, for when these tale tellers died, the history went with them. I recall one of them---the story of a huge man who would bring old dolls to work on the night shift to fix for children. Nobody dared laugh, given his size and reputation. It was described to me; this giant, bent over the dolls, as he took pained detail in fixing them, so that somebody could love them again.

`````That was another important lesson for the College Kid; don't make assumptions about what's going on a person's insides based on their surface. Men keep a lot of things hidden. I couldn't be a hypocrite. If I got angry when people judged on appearances (such as weight), it was unfair of me to assume that because somebody had been in the military, as so many of these men had been, that they must be a certain way. Many times, for them, it was simply an economic choice.

`````There's hardly a topic that didn't come up over the years. When a person opens their mind to look beyond age and appearance, it's possible to discover a vast array of mutual interests. It is possible to have friends with people of the opposite sex or with people who first seem to be completely different. They also taught me so much. To me, they are much, much more than just names on a wall.