TWITTER? THANKS, BUT NO.

`````I don't get the Twitter thing at all. I'd never feel so deluded that I'd think that people would want an update of my every move in my mundane life. I've undertaken this blog as a way to force myself to write and as a means to vent. But with Twitter, there's the expectation that your friends and family are going to read and care that: "Now I'm going to the store." "Oh, it's on sale." All written in lower case and without punctuation, of course.

````` I'm a person who rarely, if ever, updates her Facebook status. It goes blank. Consider it an existential statement; my staring into the void, if you will. I'm actually just rather cognizant of the fact that nobody cares or reads this stuff, unless one is perhaps a Supermodel (and I'm not). Alas. I've already had my fill of people who seem to think that the rest of us want to hear their phone conversations broadcast at full volume. I don't think that they talk that loud when alone at home nor are the giggles that over the top. I find the people who text message others while eating out in fine restaurants bizarre. Now there's an avoidance strategy if I ever saw one. The ironic part is that men used to go on about women and talking on phones. Somehow, when cellphones and blackberries entered the picture it became okay for them to enter the fray as it is now "technology"; so it's not a chick thing.

`````Facebook said that they are changing their format because people want constant updates of information, often from their favorite celebrities. Most of those people cannot speak clearly without a P.R. handler. Has anybody read Courtney Love's rambling diatribes? Just imagine what this woman will be capable of when left to her own Twitter devices?

`````What I did realize, however, is that there is a whole untapped Government wastage potential here. Each department head needs, of course, to hire their very own personal Twitterer. This person's job is to enter the words of wisdom that "his master's voice" sets forth upon the unsuspecting masses. We already have the Department Spokesperson (we call ours the Designated Liar because he's only heard from when bad things happen). I think the perfect title would be the Designated Twit.

`````So, all you frustrated writers out there who blog, get your resumees ready.