As I wrote the other day, I am going to post some excerpts from when Dad was ill. Maybe somebody else with an ill relative may chance upon this one day and know that they aren't alone. Dad had been feeling badly for a while, and we were on him to see somebody. On Wednesday, he saw a heart specialist. We thought for sure the Cardiologist would send him straight to a hospital bed. As it was, he got some pills and a date for a test in the future. On Thursday, Mom said he looked bad. I had a bad feeling that night and drove out there. On Friday morning, I insisted that she phone 911. The Calvary arrived and asked for backup. He was sent packing. He was parked in emergency for a while, becoming more and more agitated by the machine that beeped and tightened as it read his vitals. I tried to reassure him that all the noise didn't mean anything, but I wanted to cover it, as one would a canary cage at night. He was in I.C.U. by that evening and then in a coma and on a ventilator.
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-----I could not find the place but I ran into E. I got the feeling that he was in one of the beds that was designated as a Critical Care Unit bed as he was on a "one to one" watch. A person to watch him, a machine to watch him and a ventilator to breath for him. Then us, to watch him and watch each other and the person watching him. It's like a circle in hell. I wanted to know for sure what kind of bed it was; CCU or ICU. It would mean something to me. A CCU bed meant that you never left the hospital. An ICU bed meant that you had a chance.
-----The dog was still doing his endless wander; kitchen to dining room to living room and back. He'd been placed outside when the ambulance and firetrucks had arrived and treated Dad. By the time we let him back inside the house, Dad was gone. He went everywhere with Dad---everywhere save for this journey. He hasn't wanted anything to eat. He sits, watching from the window, like the nosiest of old fishwives seeking scandal.
-----Sunday-----Mom had just gone to bed and I had taken Gravol and placed my ear plugs in when the phone went. She came to tell me that the hospital was on the phone; in particular, it was Dr. T, the cardiologist. Mom talked to him and handed the phone to me. What it really amounted to was that Dad was crashing. He wanted information as to what to do if he did not improve; if his heart pattern went on at the rate it was going he would go into an attack. They would have to start CPR. He had been throwing defibs. The erratic and irregular beats had been going on for a while and they thought they'd better call us. All indications were that they would continue and escalate, culminating in arrest. I asked the doctor to be straight. He was. I thanked him and hung up.
-----I said to Mom that there is no way to make such a decision over the phone. You have to see the person. She phoned E and off we went. As I had taken Gravol, I was very drowsy. So....the rushed drive to the ICU took place. When we got up there, several staff were gathered in his room.
-----It was an anxious watch. We kept waiting for the machine to start ringing and flashing but it did not happen. We were told that after we arrived, he stabilized. For some reason, we had the belief that if we could just get him to make it through the night, things would be okay. Yes, it's a ridiculous thought. But there were tests that were to be done on Monday. Perhaps that would offer some clues. How does one deal with this disease...this thing...when one doesn't even know what it is? They know he has congestive heart failure, but what's causing the bad infection and what made him septic?
-----God, I hate getting emotional in front of people. I hate to cry, is what I mean. I very much am like Dad when it comes to that. We're very stoic; yes, it's a control thing. I would try to look out the window every so often as an escape. People would be going off to have their smoke breaks and cars would be driving about on their business.
-----We stayed until 0400. Both Mom and E were not used to being up at this hour. Dad had remained stable since we had shown up. With any luck, he would remain that way until tests could establish just what the hell was going on.
-----When we walked outside the air was crisp and cool. I had to let the vehicle run to clear the condensation from the window and even then I had to open my side window as I drove in order to see properly. It really and truly was a change of the seasons. That shift that takes place. One day, we are just suddenly placed into a different setting with another decor.
.
-----I could not find the place but I ran into E. I got the feeling that he was in one of the beds that was designated as a Critical Care Unit bed as he was on a "one to one" watch. A person to watch him, a machine to watch him and a ventilator to breath for him. Then us, to watch him and watch each other and the person watching him. It's like a circle in hell. I wanted to know for sure what kind of bed it was; CCU or ICU. It would mean something to me. A CCU bed meant that you never left the hospital. An ICU bed meant that you had a chance.
-----The dog was still doing his endless wander; kitchen to dining room to living room and back. He'd been placed outside when the ambulance and firetrucks had arrived and treated Dad. By the time we let him back inside the house, Dad was gone. He went everywhere with Dad---everywhere save for this journey. He hasn't wanted anything to eat. He sits, watching from the window, like the nosiest of old fishwives seeking scandal.
-----Sunday-----Mom had just gone to bed and I had taken Gravol and placed my ear plugs in when the phone went. She came to tell me that the hospital was on the phone; in particular, it was Dr. T, the cardiologist. Mom talked to him and handed the phone to me. What it really amounted to was that Dad was crashing. He wanted information as to what to do if he did not improve; if his heart pattern went on at the rate it was going he would go into an attack. They would have to start CPR. He had been throwing defibs. The erratic and irregular beats had been going on for a while and they thought they'd better call us. All indications were that they would continue and escalate, culminating in arrest. I asked the doctor to be straight. He was. I thanked him and hung up.
-----I said to Mom that there is no way to make such a decision over the phone. You have to see the person. She phoned E and off we went. As I had taken Gravol, I was very drowsy. So....the rushed drive to the ICU took place. When we got up there, several staff were gathered in his room.
-----It was an anxious watch. We kept waiting for the machine to start ringing and flashing but it did not happen. We were told that after we arrived, he stabilized. For some reason, we had the belief that if we could just get him to make it through the night, things would be okay. Yes, it's a ridiculous thought. But there were tests that were to be done on Monday. Perhaps that would offer some clues. How does one deal with this disease...this thing...when one doesn't even know what it is? They know he has congestive heart failure, but what's causing the bad infection and what made him septic?
-----God, I hate getting emotional in front of people. I hate to cry, is what I mean. I very much am like Dad when it comes to that. We're very stoic; yes, it's a control thing. I would try to look out the window every so often as an escape. People would be going off to have their smoke breaks and cars would be driving about on their business.
-----We stayed until 0400. Both Mom and E were not used to being up at this hour. Dad had remained stable since we had shown up. With any luck, he would remain that way until tests could establish just what the hell was going on.
-----When we walked outside the air was crisp and cool. I had to let the vehicle run to clear the condensation from the window and even then I had to open my side window as I drove in order to see properly. It really and truly was a change of the seasons. That shift that takes place. One day, we are just suddenly placed into a different setting with another decor.
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