I've Neglected the Blog

.

For some time now, I've neglected a lot of things; one of them being this blog.  There have been many reasons---a complete computer crash, my migraines, but mostly, it's work related.  My doctor suggested to me once that I have PTSD, but I denied it.  That's the generic assessment for people like myself.  I no longer function as I once did.  I'm not sleeping more then an hour or two a day, and by "day" I mean that very thing.  I don't sleep at night.  I've lost all contact with anybody I once knew.  It's hard to write when the only thing one feels is an overwhelming

sense of profound failure and anxiety.  Somewhere  along the

line I got so good at turning my feelings off that the switch won't  come back on.   It serves me well  at work to have a poker face, but it doesn't  translate  beyond the Bleak House.   Some people get Botox---some of us are just frozen.

.

I feel guilt for not seeing people and keeping in contact, but I can't.  There are days when merely getting dressed and showing up for work takes all that I have.  I wasn't always like this.  Maybe one day I'll write about the cause.   In the meantime, I need practice.

.